Wraps, Rolls, and Uncertainty

Yikes, almost another month. The weeks go by so fast and it seems like I get nothing done. But taking care of ds is my priority and it seems I am doing a good job of that. He is happy, healthy, and changing every day.

I am obssessed with wearing my baby. Wearing him? Yes - using a wrap to carry him, instead of those uncomfortable baby carriers you can buy in stores. I wear him in front, on my hip, and even on my back now! And, because money is tight and I can't afford to buy the really expensive wraps online, I have gotten fabric at the local fabric store and made my own. I feel so domestic, even though it's really easy to make them. After I finish my latest two, I will have five of varying lengths, colors, and fabrics. My ds loves them as much as I do, and they allow me to go for walks with the dog without lugging a stroller around.

DS started doing so many exciting things this month. He rolled over in both directions within just a few days. It's such a great time right now. He is so happy playing on the floor, on his back and his tummy. And I don't have to worry about him crawling away and getting into trouble! I am excited for him to be more mobile, but that means I will have to start chasing after him, and that won't stop for about 30 years. And he won't be my cuddly little baby anymore!

Now the real stress in my life. We are going back out West to where we grew up for dh's high school reunion in mid-July. Between now and then, dh is flying to two job interviews (total of nine days away from home), and depending how those go we may have to pack up our entire house and move across 3/4 of the country all while dh tries to finish his dissertation, I pack a bunch of boxes during ds's naps, and we somehow figure out how to get out to Indiana the second week of July. Or we may just end up staying here for a job, and somehow still get to Indiana and back home for the reunion. I would love to be back near family, and think it would be worth the effort. But we are fairly settled here right now, I have some good friends I would miss, and of course I would miss the yummy milk we get from the local dairy. But my vote right now is Westward ho! It's going to be a hectic upcoming month.

Oops: Did I Say Daily?

Ok, here it is a month later. Oops. Sometimes it seems like the days go by so slow, just watching the clock waiting for dh to get home from work so that I can talk to someone who will respond better that my ds or my dog.

Let's see, what has happened since I last wrote... My grandpa died of cancer. Nasty disease. He went quickly and peacefully though without pain - so that was a blessing. And he was surrounded by those he loved. I wish I could have been there. My entire family was there to say goodbye to him, but not me. That's the worst part of living where we do, being away from family. Especially raising a child away from them.

I got ds's 3 month pics back. They turned out very cute, but I just love how they try to get more money out of you by printing a few that you didn't order. It's terrible to think that they are probably just going to shred those, but I can't afford another $20. I spent enough already!

I recently started getting together with some other new moms in the area once a week. There are just four of us, but it's so much fun to hang out and talk. I really look forward to it each week. Sadly, that is about the only thing I have scheduled each week. Now I have also begun to go to a mommy and me postpartum exercise class at the YMCA here. I went last week for the first time. It was a lot of fun, but there were only four of us there and they need five to keep the class going. I really hope one more person shows up. These things help so much to keep me sane. I love having things that I have to get out for, like appointments. Last week I took our dog to the vet for his yearly appointment. He did good, a bit scared, but he was pretty cute. Another appointment coming up is we are getting the kitchen floor replaced. That will be so nice, especially when ds starts to crawl around, at least the floor will be decent enough to let him cruise on (until I get behind in the housework and it gets really dirty).

This week is my ds's four month appointment. He will get some shots, which is sad, but I look forward to going. I have a big list of questions for the doctor. I always wonder if I am doing things right raising my son, but I just can't stand to read those books anymore that tell me what babies SHOULD be doing around this age. It just makes me nervous or frustrated that my ds is not, especially in the sleeping category.

Oh, last Tuesday I hurt my back while I was at the park with ds and the dog. That was terrible, I could barely get everyone back in the car and drive home. I called my dh in tears and had to have him come home and help me for the day. It is still pretty bad, especially when I sit. It feels very much like the herniated disk I had eight years ago. Great. Hopefully I can do some stretching and get it back to normal like I was able to do last time. It was just so scary to think that something could happen to me and I couldn't get up to help my son or even reach the phone for help.

Well, that's definitely not all that happened over the last month, but I had better post this now in case I don't get to it again for a while...

Daily thoughts from a SAHM

Before I begin, I just wanted to clarify something. DS stands for dear son, dh for dear husband. Yes, I have spent too much time on the parenting message boards.

Yes, I am at home with my three-month old son. He is wonderful, but there are many things about staying at home with him that I had not considered before he arrived. Sometimes it seems that I spend all day just talking to myself. Sure, I talk to ds all the time, and I just melt when he responds with one of his big wide gummy grins, but by the end of each day I crave having a normal adult conversation - one that doesn't occur in my head!

I often feel like I need to get out of the house, but there are so many things that complicate my urge to just run out spontaneously. My ds is often very cranky in his car seat, so if we do go somewhere, I either just have to hope that he falls asleep in his seat and stays that way, or take him out and carry him around, but he's getting pretty heavy to do that. When I do go out, I have to run through my options, do I take him inside the store in his carseat? Maybe, if he's sleeping. If he's awake, I could carry him as long as I don't need two hands and I don't need to get too many things. Or, I could keep him in his carseat and attach it to the stroller that it came with as a set. I feel like I need to use that more to get my money's worth. I do have that jogging stroller, but that's no good in stores. I could take himn around the neighborhood later in it, but I would have to put my dog on a leash and he doesn't like that much, he prefers to run free. Well, I could use the umbrella stroller, but he's still pretty little for that, and the last time I put him in it he didn't like it anyways.

And what is with those older ladies who frown at you if you don't have a hat on your baby, or don't have him bundled into four layers of clothes? I think I know my baby well enough to know if he is too cold or uncomfortable.

The other day I finally had a chance to make myself a great lunch while ds was sleeping. I just got it done, sat down at the table to eat it and wouldn't you know it, he wakes up and wants to be held and fed. So I ended up eating it as fast as I could while I vibrated him in the bouncy seat and made funny noises with my mouth full. It made me think of how many times I have been unable to make myself a good lunch so, using one hand have thrown a couple pieces of bread in the toaster, but by the time I got them buttered and started eating, I got distracted and ended up setting a piece down somewhere while I changed a poopy diaper. Only a hour later did I discover the cold piece, but still was hungry enough to eat it! Ahh, the one-handed meals.

Come to think of it, I have learned to do a lot of things one-handed, like typing this. My left arm is going to be so much stronger than my right because I carry him with my left arm while I cook, clean, type, or whatever with my right.

The other day we were on our way back from the store and he fell asleep just before we got home. It seems like he wakes up so easily the minute the car stops, so I was very tempted to just keep driving. But where to? I know I would just end up going across town and running through a drive-thru somewhere and ordering something bad that would easily make up the 500 extra calories I'm supposed to be eating while I breastfeed.

I consider myself lucky so far that I haven't gotten in an accident while I have been driving around. Like I said earlier, ds doesn't like his carseat sometimes and I don't like to hear him crying. So I attempt with my right hand to reach back into the stupid rear-facing seat to find his Nuk that has somehow worked it's way all the way down under his butt. I manage to get it, but by that time he is so frantic that he doesn't want it anyways. I shake his hanging toys and try to talk loud enough to him so that he can hear my voice over his crying to let him know that I am there, otherwise he wouldn't know, he's just staring at the back seat.

More ramblings to come...

First post

Here I am , my first blog post.